Life in a fishbowl
Taking a philosophical turn while interacting with a inconsolable toddler sounds more parental-esque than writing about your total mental implosion. Having to lay your baby down in a safe place and walking way amid a crescendo of full-lung capacity is not nearly as intriguing as speaking of how they are only young once and they have such pretty eyes or sweet smiles.
Still all you really want is to self-medicate until your tag team partner returns home. Even then you can only hope that he or she will take over so you can just sit down for a minute or two in peace and quiet. But to write about that is darker than you want to appear.
You offer a vagrant a hot meal instead of withdrawing in revulsion because if you stop breathing through your mouth his overpowering stench will bring up the cinnamon-raisin bagel and Venti Vanilla Bean Frappuccino Blended Creme you had at breakfast. Altruistic gestures are a sure Hit magnet while projectile vomiting (unless it’s coming from our angelic offspring) is not.
Have you compose a heartwarming, and perhaps a touch naughty, list of loving attributes to your significant other to mark a special milestone, but neglect to mention you sleep in separate beds, in separate bedrooms, living more as roommates or platonic best friends than lovers and spouses. To divulge any more intimate details would not be good blog fodder or too incongruent with your other posts to the contrary. Sex sells.
Or, has writing about your day-to-day made you more acutely aware, forcing you to look closely at yourself, turning your life into a self-imposed fish bowl, knowing you will be sharing, and having to decide whether to remake yourself so you won’t be lying to the world.
Do you think more about what you say and do now that you’ve put yourself on display for all to see?
I believe I do. I believe that I am more conscience of my actions and reactions. I think longer and harder about what I say and do now because I didn’t necessarily like what I did or said before, and I didn’t want to admit how shallow and superficial I could be.
I do think differently. I do try to see the different angles, the different reasons and whys of something. I’m not changing facts or dialogue, but I am not the same person I was when I first started this adventure.