Despite my demands for my men folk to get out of bed early, and be highly functioning humans, I am certainly not awake at 0-dark:30 by choice. I am not a cheerful morning person, clearly evident from my familial tirades.

Before the glories of motherhood, I could out sleep the dead. I even slept through an earthquake once. I roused briefly, determined the jostling of my bed was coming from the train tracks near my house, and promptly fell back asleep. I was shocked to find out the next morning that in fact it wasn’t a late night run of the L&N that disturbed my sleep, but a 5.4 quake.

After JM was born, everything woke me up. She could kick her blanket off at night and to me it would sound like a herd of buffalo stampeding through the house. I would spend many nights in my rocking chair, pulled up to her crib watching her sleep. Resting my hand on the still throbbing soft spot on her head, just checking… or holding her on my shoulder to feel her warm breath on my check.

Then WK came along and it just went down hill from there. I had my late night cuddle sessions with two children. By then I was a full-time SAHM, and I had no need for sleep since I was on call 24/7. I’d grab naps when I could. Sleep was for sissies. Or, as my Buzz pal Weasel Momma told me recently, ‘there will be plenty of time for sleep when we’re dead.’

Today still, every wheeze, sneeze, cough, burp and fart… wakes me up. And all the while, Hubs sleeps like a rock, snores like a freight train. It’s even worse when the kids are gone. Then the house is simply too quiet, or else I’m awake waiting for that tell-tale click of the front door telling me they’re finally home.

I usually wake up somewhere between 3:30 and 5:30 a.m. I can’t seem to sleep more than four or five hours a night. If I sleep longer than that, I’m probably sick. Sometimes I manage to fall back asleep, but I usually spend the next hour or so working crosswords, and pushing the dogs off the bed so I can stretch my legs out.

I refuse to get up and be productive. I could be doing laundry or cycling the dishes. I could be sitting at the computer writing something witty and absolutely brilliant… but it’s 3:30 in the friggin’ morning, are you out of your mind?!

Sleep may be elusive, but I can still appreciate a warm bed and fluffy pillows.