I have no idea how transmitting over radio waves works or even have a passing understanding of electronics, but I have an idea that I think would be universally coveted and I need an electronics genius to help me develop it. We’ll be a friggin’ billionaires.

What I want to create is a device that would allow me to hijack other motorists’ radios and to broadcast commentary on their driving skills or general lack thereof.

I want to be able to hack into their Alpines and Pioneers and yell ‘hang up and drive’ or ‘does that piece of shit have a turn signal, brake lights? Just stick an arm out the window!’

Yesterday I so wanted to berate a woman who thought nothing of speeding, gravel-throwing, tires-squealing, through a school zone. ’B’otch! Do you not see all those cheese wagons?! All those little people running around?! What is effing wrong with you?! Slow the hell down!’

And to the affectionate motorist who couldn’t decide if he wanted to travel behind me, beside me (actually in the same space I was in) or in front of me… ‘pick a lane asshat!’

To the mom who thought nothing of letting her toddler stand up in the car, between the seats, then crawl into her lap as she drove through traffic. ‘Put that kid in a car seat bitch! Are you trying to kill her?’

I’d tap into the Sirrus system of the woman who threw a full take-out cup of soda and ice all over the front of my car when she deposited it out her window. ‘Oh no you dinnit! Do you know how nasty that shit is to clean off?’

I could question the literacy of the parent who continues to ignore the ‘no left turn’ signs at the high school every morning when dropping off his kid, causing traffic back ups for half a mile while he waits for an opening in the line of cars turning into the bus lane. ‘Really, you can’t read? Or do you just think this doesn’t mean you?’

Then there are the drivers who think nothing of pulling out in front of me, when there is not a car in sight behind me, only to turn again not 10 yards down the road. ‘Are you in that much of a hurry? You had to be the lead car for what, all of two seconds?’

On second thought, maybe I should take my R&D money and look into anger management therapy, or invest in hiring a personal driver or a cab service. I really don’t need to be driving on public streets any longer.